Life In Iteration: The long and the short of it.

When it comes to my hair, I change it up often. It is stick-straight and brown, now with a few strands of silver, and sometimes I dye it--red or black usually. I've grown it out and I've chopped it off. I've never been as uptight about a haircut as some people I know, who never seem to be satisfied after a trip to the salon. My philosophy is that if I get a bad haircut, it'll grow back eventually anyway. And I love having my hair washed and the actual process of getting it cut . . . it makes me feel so pampered!

So why has my hair become such a loaded subject lately? The root of the problem (lol, pun!) is that a woman's hair is traditionally--and unfairly!--considered an expression of her sexuality and gauge of her attractiveness. Judgements about who you are and which gender you are attracted to, can be made by people--unfairly!--based on your haircut. And for most people of either gender, and the media, long hair on a woman is more desirable than short.

My ex-boyfriend specifically asked me to grow out my then-shoulder-length hair, and I remember acquiescing with a shrug, because I would never think to ask him to change his appearance and anyway, it was only hair. I continued to let it grow for a few months after we ended things, but my first haircut post-breakup was emotional and a little cathartic; it was a symbolic end to the person I felt he had wanted me to be.

I've kept the length of my hair somewhere between my shoulders and my ears since then, but with the heat of the summer here and the fact that I just simply adore pixie cuts on people, I started going shorter and shorter under the care of my trusted stylist, BiBi (Bianca). And with my short hair came my collection of fun hair accessories--bows, headbands, and scarves. I'm known for them at work now, as our uniforms leave few other ways to express personal style, to the point that people I don't even know by name comment if I'm lacking 'headgear' of some sort. And one of my co-workers calls me that as a nickname. Headgear. So why do I feel I should grow my hair out when I like it short?

Dating. Rationally, I know that there are men out there who either like short hair or don't care what a woman's hair looks like so much as who she is. But I guess I've bought into the hype about women needing long hair to attract a man, at least a little, because I decided to grow my hair back out a couple months ago. I even changed my profile picture on Facebook to one in which I have longer hair as a motivational tool to get me through the awkward middle phase of growing it out, and announced my intentions there. Even my father commented that he 'prefers' me with long hair. I feel torn between the preferences of future potential dating prospects and my own. The argument in my head goes like this:

Short-haired me: "Isn't a genuine expression of my inner self better? There is such a genuine glow about women I see with cute short haircuts."

Long-haired me: "But it's only hair, and you're tired of being alone, so why wouldn't you sacrifice this in order to appeal to more potential partners in the long run? More people have commented positively on your beautiful long hair in the past than on your current haircut. Long hair is in style now--look at all the women with long, perfectly-curled hair at work and on tv, Pinterest, Facebook . . . you are competing with that for the attention of the few remaining quality single men out there. Besides, we could rock a sock bun, and you know you kinda want to!"

And I'm tempted to leave it up to a vote by my friends on social media about what looks better, because at this point I simply cannot decide what to do!

Here's a timeline of styles through the last few years (and months!).